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You know very well that love is, above all, the gift of oneself.
- Jean Anouilh
Some friends of ours were travelling back to London fromAustralia. Their flight had been delayed en route, and consequently they had spent four hours together in Hong Kong airport reading newspapers and magazines and entertaining their young daughter. They had then spent a further twelve hours sitting side by side on the airplane.
On their way home from the airport, the husband said to his wife, ‘I’ve missed having our quality time recently. We must book it in.’
His wife was astonished. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked.‘We’ve just been together for the past sixteen hours!’
But her husband needed more. He needed a time and a place in which he and his wife could give their total attention to each other without all the distractions and without worrying when the plane would leave or what time they would get home.
Every couple needs to spend time together regularly, but for some people, this quality time is their primary love language. For such people, the longed-for togetherness is more than physical proximity; there is a need, indeed a hunger, for total, focused attention.
Nicky: For Sila, the surroundings and the activity take second place to my spending time with her, talking and listening, discussing ideas and sharing our hopes and fears. Such regular times together enable her to face the pressures in her life because she is confident of the love in our marriage. I have found that the value of our weekly date together is more than doubled if I manage to arrange for us to go somewhere where we are unlikely to see anyone we know.
We have written before of our plan each year to go away by ourselves for two or three nights. For two years in a row we went to Paris. We spent our time exploring the city, visiting art galleries and eating in little cafés. Those two or three days were very romantic and great fun. But for Sila, they had a disproportionate effect on her feeling of being loved. For days after our return, nothing was able to diminish her sense of joy and well-being.I have realised increasingly that these breaks are one of the best investmentsI could make in our marriage.
The Bible tells us to ‘live a life of love’ following the example of Jesus, who ‘gave himself up for us’ (Ephesians 5:2). Most of us will not be called to give up our lives for each other, but we can demonstrate our love for our husband or wife by regularly giving up our time for them.
This may mean sitting down together after work for half an hour to hear how their day has gone. It may mean getting up earlier to spend time together in the morning. It may involve going out of our way to have lunch together. It may mean making arrangements for our children so that we can have a night away from home on our own. Love in action requires effort and sacrifice, but the rewards far outweigh the cost.
